The Reality About Your Money Issues: What’s Really Holding You Back

When I sit down with clients to talk about money, the conversation is rarely about numbers. It’s about the stories we tell ourselves-stories that shape what we believe we deserve, how we show up in the world, and ultimately, how much abundance we allow ourselves to receive.

What’s Underneath Your Money Struggles?

If you’ve ever felt like you need to be “uniquely smart, special, way above average” to deserve wealth and security, you’re not alone. Many of us grew up internalizing the idea that only exceptional people are worthy of financial success. As adults, this belief quietly dictates our actions: we strive, we hustle, we set up endless hurdles-accomplishments to check off before we feel worthy of love, respect, or even a decent income.

But here’s the harsh truth: these hurdles are self-imposed. The pressure to be exceptional is a story, not a law of the universe. And it’s a story that keeps us stuck, exhausted, and always a few steps away from feeling truly “enough.”

Where Do These Patterns Come From?

For many, these patterns start young. Maybe you felt responsible for a parent’s happiness, or learned that love had to be earned through achievement. Imagine telling a child, “You’re only worth my time if you’re uniquely smart or special.” That child would grow up always trying to prove themselves, never quite able to rest in their own worth. Even when admiration or respect comes, it feels hollow-because it was never about the external validation, but the internal belief that you had to earn it in the first place.

As adults, we carry these patterns into our work and relationships. We try to “do” our way into worthiness, and when we fall short, we double down on effort or retreat into self-criticism. The result? We feel disconnected, guarded, and paradoxically, needy for the very respect and abundance we’re pushing away.

The Trap of the To-Do List

So many of us set up a never-ending to-do list as the price of admission for love, respect, or financial security. But what if there’s nothing you actually need to do to be worthy? What if your value isn’t tied to your productivity, your cleverness, or your ability to impress?

If you let go of the need to “do” for worthiness, what’s left? For many, it’s a scary void-a fear that without striving, there’s nothing to fill the space. But this is where the real work begins: learning to accept yourself, not as a project to be fixed, but as someone already worthy of love and abundance.

Practical Practices to Shift Your Identity

If you’re ready to break free from these old patterns, try these experiments-not to “fix” yourself, but to get curious about what’s possible when you let go of the old story:

Practice 1: Next time you catch your inner critic saying you need to be more, do more, or have more to be respected, pause. Respond with kindness. You don’t have to silence the critic, but you can choose how you respond.

Practice 2: Practice appreciation and gratitude, not as a means to an end, but to genuinely notice the abundance already present in your life. Let this shift your identity from “someone who doesn’t have enough” to “someone who is already surrounded by respect, love, and admiration.”

Practice 3: Notice moments when you feel respected, admired, or loved-and when you offer those feelings to others. Let these moments inform your self-definition, rather than the old narrative of lack.

Practice 4: Accept uncomfortable emotions (like anger or worry) not to get rid of them, but to understand and appreciate their purpose. Imagine these emotions as a person (or a dog), welcome them, listen to them, and let them coexist with the rest of your experience.

The Bottom Line

The journey to financial abundance isn’t about becoming someone else. It’s about peeling back the layers of “shoulds” and “musts” to reconnect with the part of you that is already enough. When you stop trying to earn respect, love, or wealth-and start showing up as your true self-you create the conditions for real abundance to flow.

You don’t need to be uniquely smart or special to deserve a lifetime of security and all the things money can buy. You just need to be willing to see yourself differently, to experiment with new ways of being, and to let go of the old story that says you have to earn your worth.

Ready to try? Start with one experiment today. Notice what shifts-not just in your bank account, but in your sense of self. That’s where real transformation begins.